O, the trauma

Last friday I had one of the most traumatic babysitting experiences of my freakin life. If I had any doubts about the devil's handiwork on earth they are gone now. Here is a detailed outline of my experiences with Emily:

4:30- supposed time of pick-up
4:45- actual pick-up
4:50- meet the 7 children (ages: 10,8,6,5,3,2,1)
4:55- realize that 3 are deathly ill
4:56- panic overtakes me
5:00- parents leave
5:30- pizza is here
5:33-massive herd of children come down the stairs
5:45- serve the needs of angry angry people
6:00- wake up the baby and smell the fumes that I thought only skunks were able to produce
6:05- change a diaper that was so ghastly it took all of my will power not to hurl
6:15- put on Monster House for the youngins
6:20- baby lets one rip on my lap
7:00- Little girl calls Emily upstairs
7:02- Emily yells for relief
7:05- Crap! she definately threw up EVERYWHERE
7:06- run down stairs because baby is crying
7:10- baby has a poopy diaper....again
7:11- "O, my life!" is starting to be repeated over and over in my mind
7:12- change a diaper that was so ghastly it took all of my will power not to hurl
7:15- Emily starts washing the throw-up off of the sleeping bag in the laundry sink
7:17- get girl into a warm bath
7:25- start scrubing floor that smelled like....well throw-up
7:35- stop scrubing sick nasty floor
7:40- get girl out of the bath and into bed
7:45- Emily stops washing the throw-up off of the sleeping bag in the laundry sink
7:48- try to figure out the complexity of the washing machine
7:55- sweet sweet victory
8:00- put 5 of the 7 chillins into bed
8:20- finally relax to watch Narnia
10:00- rush older boys to bed because I fell asleep and they were an hour past their bed time
10:30- parents aren't home yet
10:45- girl calls me upstairs to wipe her behind
11:00- "I am probably going to die here"
11:30- desperatley try to stay awake by telling stories to emily I would never repeat
11:45- parents arrive
12:00- tell my mother
12:15- freedom has arrived and it is sweet

*I would probably babysit again, because their kids are adorable*

I am the master

The following is a conversation that I had with my sister Janette at around 1 in the morning via text messaging. Bear in mind that I was extremely tired and irritable therefore a little harsh in my texts back.

J: Hey i haven't seen you since last year!
K: That is the worst joke ive ever heard
J: Is it the worst joke you've heard all year?
K: Ur boring me with your stupidity
J: Don't be jealous because you didn't think of it first
K: Im always 2 steps ahead of you......remember that
J: I will destroy you
K: Im already destroyed by stuart........2 steps ahead janette
J: Stuart hired me to destroy you....Two steps ahead of you
K: I don't think you understand-Stuart destroyED me, its already done, so u pretty much suck at ur job
J: Well he clearly didn't do a very good job if you're still texting
K: Well played my dear i guess u deserve some credit- my IQ has dropped significantly since i began this meaningless conversation so congrats on destroying any hopes i ever had at attending a university
J: I am your master now
K: Again i am 2 steps ahead of you because i live in America and my black grandpa and i were freed from slavery a long time ago.....Man do i love that Abe
J: ha ha ha. fine you are the master. Good night

i win :)