"You are so Retarded"

I just finished reading over my previous posts and I noticed two things. One- I can't spell to save my life nor do I have an understanding of grammar. Two- I am a total valley girl when I tell story's, "So, ya he was like and then it was like so funny and then she was like." I can't promise you I will stop any of that. Actually, there is a good possibility you will find no difference in this post than the others but I thought I should try to change my transitions between story's by telling them separately.

1)Driving Alex Inman

I picked up Alex around 6:30 and as I pulled around the corner, I realize freaking Alex has NO food in his hands. My rules are very simple and clear. No food, No ride. I made a conscience decision to drive him anyway. He is my best buddie after all. He actually is not bad to drive with.....most of the time. He didn't like my CD (paramore) and insisted on listening to THE worst rock song in the history of music. I don't know what it was called but I could almost feel my ears bleeding. Thankfully Devin called and we had to turn it down.

2)Getting Gas

I don't know how this ever slipped through my parents knowledge but I have no idea how to fill my car up with gas. A little problemo especially since my mother was gone and I was pretty much on my own as far as the car goes. Well, my car started yelling at me and since Alex was sitting next to me I had a brilliant idea that he must know how to fill a car up because he's a guy. I was sadly mistaken. We get to the gas station and I pull up to the first station thingy. After I get out of the car to open the lid, I see that the it's on the other side. So what do I do? I pull around to the other side of the building and park on the wrong side again. I am so retarded. Finally I get parked and we seriously spend around 30 minutes trying to figure out how to do everything. It was a disaster. Most of the time I was just praying for some kind of intervention from Heaven. That didn't happen. Alex finally called his dad because I refused to call my own father in Utah. I can only imagine what Bro. Inman was thinking on the other end. I'm going to guess it was something like "This is so sad" or "Katie is an idiot, and so is my son." Alex went in and gave them $15 in ones and we gave my little bug some nutrition to get us home. I was super excited that I put gas in a car for the very first time then I get in the car and the wheel won't move and the brake won't go down. Great....what did I do now. So again, we call the Inman household for some parental guidance. This time it was Sis. Inman. I don't even want to know what she was thinking. We got the car to unlock eventually and I have a nasty little bruise from running into the machine, just to remind me everyday how dumb I am.

3)"TPing" Joey's House

Well, we didn't technically "TP" Joey's house. It was more of an attempt that failed miserably. We got there around 10:30 and of course they are ALL awake and in the front room with part of their window open. Why couldn't they have gone to sleep at 10 like a normal family. Dang. Devin and Alex were amusing to watch. They took it VERY seriously. They even went as far as army crawling to fork his yard. Me and Debra and Sarah were just walking around and getting it done which was way less cool. I was back at the car getting more supplies when Debra, Sarah, and one of the guys come running back very quietly. Ryan (Joey's Brother) looked at them out the window and they came outside. We were standing in the middle of the road waiting for them to leave for a while. Then me and Alex go back and we are crouched behind their huge car when we hear the door open and like a thousand footsteps come out. At that moment, I had so much adrenaline I couldn't even talk. Alex rolled under the car and I hid behind the other car's tire. The whole family is out there cleaning. Who the heck cleans that up in the middle of the night?! Then I turn around and Debra, Sarah, and Devin are standing on the corner in the blasted street light. Really?! Joey starts yelling, "I CAN SEE YOU GUYS. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!! YOU ARE DEAD! I CAN SEE YOU!!!" I thought he was talking to Alex and so my heart starts beating even faster because I knew I was next. All I was thinking was please don't come over here, please don't come over here, please don't come over here. Of course, Sis. Jenson comes around and starts laughing. My first instinct was to scream really loud and run as fast as I could back to Devin's. And so I did just that. I hear footsteps behind me so I slow down a little, assuming it is Alex following me. It wasn't, it was Joey, and Alex was still hiding. I wanted to cry. So, Joey and Justin (which I don't know when he came into the picture) and Ryan are out by my car and have dumped toilet paper and forks and army men all on it. By that time Alex was back and I make a run for it with him. But stupid me I forgot my backpack. We turn go around the block and come back and Alex opens the door while the car is still moving and launches out onto the grass, turns around screaming because joey is bolting after him, and dives back into the car and we make an escape. He turns to me and looks so scared like he was going to cry and says, "Your backpack is inside!!" oops.

4) Lunch with Joey and Alex

So, me and Alex go to Albertson's to get lunch for us and Joey because we were over there all day. We got potato salad, rolls, macaroni salad, and Chicken. This Chicken guy took freaking forever so I go up to him and he says, "I'll be with you ladies in a minute." What a blow to Alex's manhood. Zander leaves to do heaven knows what and the Chicken guy comes and says a couple of things that I am still disgusted at. "He really does look like a girl with that long hair"and "You need a real man to date." Then he gave me the creepiest look ever. OK Mr. Jerk Face, first of all, that is just mean. Second of all, we definitely aren't going out, not that that fact increases your chances anyway. And third of all, give me some chicken already!

5)Whip Cream and Wet Towel War

I was sitting on Joey's couch with my back to him when he suddenly says ACCHHOOO super loud and then a wet paper towel lands on my knee and I just about threw-up. It was super nasty. Then the war began we were throwing wet paper towels at each other and one landed on my face. Sick. Joey wraps one around some whip cream and smashes it on Alex's shoulder. Then the second war began. At the beginning it was just me and Alex doing it until I got Joey in the face. Priceless. It was so much fun I had whip cream everywhere. It was in my ear and in my hair and on my shirt. My hair was all plastery and grody at the end. But it was soo worth it.

6) Alex's house

We all went over to the Inmans to hang while Alex was babysitting. Don't worry parents, it was a 1:3 ratio. Alex got out the strobe light, which is a pretty random thing to have, and we busted a move in the living room with his little bros and sisters. Nicky (Alex's little brother) was super cute dancing around. Then Joey totally bled all over the place. His scab came off and had like rolled down his arm. I was involuntarily gagging and had to remove myself from the kitchen. It was GROSS. We watched Eagle Eye while the kids were upstairs watching some Disney movie. I told Joey everything about him grossed me out and he just got up and left. I seriously thought he was mad at me and had gone home because the door made that annoying beep when it opened. So we were in the kitchen and I turn the corner around the fridge and he was standing there. I jumped about 10 feet in the air. Scared the crapola out of me.

Pat Tilman Run

As some of you know, this month I was inducted into NHS (National Honors Society). One of the requirements we have to meet is going to one of two group projects. The first one was to clean the school with the janitors for three hours and the second was volunteering at the annual Pat Tillman Run at ASU. I obviously chose the second one, there is no way in heck I am going to scrub Williams Field. I know better than that. So at this point I am excited to do some good old fashion service until they send me a little memo that says these words, "Please check in at the Volunteer stand at 5:45 am." Holy fish tacos that is EXTREMELY early.I strongly believe that if the sun ain't up, I don't have to be either. They wanted me to do another shift at 4 am as well. Ya right. Like that was going to happen. I set my alarm for 4:30 so that I could slowly but surely make my way out of bed at 5. Well, silly me, I forgot to enable it so instead I woke up quickly at 5:15.

When I got there they assigned me to help in the "kid's area." These were some of my thoughts in sequential order:
(1) Great I'm going to have to babysit 1,000 kids all at once
(2) When does that darn race start because I am not watching them before it does
(3) I hope they run the whole way to save me
(4) If I get a brat I am going to lock it in the moon bounce even if I get fired as a volunteer
Thank goodness I was just registering them in the kid's run and I didn't have to set foot in the pig pen although I did have some weird/crazy people come up to the booth.

I was getting this one lady registered and I look up to ask what size shirt the squirt wants and she looks at me like "Oh!!! Hey there!!" like I've known her for years or something. She does not even look vaguely familiar nor does she remind me of anyone. A complete and total stranger that knows me. The whole thing just creeped me out.

Then this Samoan looking guy comes up and starts filling out the form and wiggles the pen around the sheet for forever like he couldn't read it until I stepped in and told him what to do. Whenever he forgot a number or something in his address he would shake his butt and dance around. It was probably the highlight of my life.

The first part of the day was fine because it wasn't very crowded and we had everything. Then we start running out of shirts. That's when the fun began. I got so much crap from the parents about that. They would get so mad about a stupid ugly shirt. This is one of the conversations that I had with a mother:
Me: Hi, can I help you?
Mom: Yes, I need to pick up a shirt for my daughter
Me: I'm sorry we're out of shirts right now, we've been out for an hour now.
Mom: Well, I registered online, don't I get a shirt
Me: Nope, it doesn't matter if you registered online
Mom: ARE YOU SERIOUS!!??
Me: uh, ya
Mom: I think that is so Stupid. Don't they send the shirts to you if you don't have them
Me: No, this whole kid's run is free, so it's first come first serve
Mom: *rolls her eyes* I think this whole thing is just ridiculous and I think you need to change how this works. I ordered online and they should have saved a shirt for me.
Me: Listen, I don't know what to tell you, If you wanted a shirt that bad maybe you should have come earlier to get it.
Then she left. She was like yelling and looked really aggravated I was getting so mad, I had so many encounters like that. It wasn't my fault they ran out of shirts. Geez

Indpendence and Tacos

First off, I would like to give my condolences to those of you who are not 16 and who do not have their license. I have had mine for two days and there is no turning back now. Living without it is just not an option for me.

On Friday I went to the DMV. Well, actually I went to the "MVD" because Arizona just has to be different from the rest of society. If it weren't for the monotonous "Now serving J143 at counter number 4" I wouldn't mind being there. They have probably the most comfortable chairs you will ever place your bottom in. Quite an upgrade from the school ones. I went out to take the test and these people DO NOT know how to drive! They are out of control. If only my mother was there to see so that she would be more grateful for my driving abilities. I passed, obviously. They told me to park and un-park and then I drove around a block. Way to go "MVD", you truly tested my skillage........

My first time driving by myself was absolutely incredible. I drove over to Joey Jensons as soon as I got home. We played signs on the greenbelt next to his house. It was Me, Joey, Justin, Devin, Bryce, Ahanaf (say as if your swallowing your tongue), Meijing, Sarah, Debra, and Amanda. It was pretty hysterical. I did Joey's sign everytime because that was really the only one I could remember so as soon as I received the sign Joey had already gotten ready to do his sign. At one time meijing was just chasing the sign because everyone was passing it in front of her eyes. Then sarah does my sign and I'm the first to not accept and give immediately. I instruct Sarah to get up and move as far away from me as possible. So me and Sarah are a good 20 yards away, if meijing went for sarah (cuz she still had the sign) then I would do mine. haha. I could see that she was trying to decide what she was going to do. Poor Jingles.

People just started leaving and Meijing had to go so I go brought her home real quick and then me, joey, debra, sarah, and amanda were just chilling. Amanda's mom came so the numbers were dwindling. Justin and Bryce came back from playing foam weapons (see post bellow) so then I decide that Tacos sound really really really good. If only I could just go to Taco Bell really fast and pick up a few. wait!!! I can!!!....that my friends is the best feeling in the entire world. Me and Joey run to Taco Bell and we buy 20 tacos. Got to love the 99 cent menu. The lady looked as us so funny. Either she thought we were going out, or she was admiring the fact that we just bought a butt load of tacos. Well after turning on Joey's road I see this girl Carly from my ward and as she realized that I was driving her eyes grew to the size of a small soccer ball and her mouth got big enough to stuff all 20 tacos into it. Gas- $40, License- $25, Taco Bell- $20, seeing Carly Hanson's face- priceless.

So, Debra and Sarh left (more tacos for us) and kid came. Let it go on the record that I did in fact eat more tacos as Joey. Probably my proudest moment. In case you were wondering we couldn't eat all of the tacos. There were 4 very lonesome tacos left that I took over to Emilys. If you knew Emily, you would know that she would rather have tacos than cookies any day. Love that girl. She comes over and surprise again, Justin, Bryce, and Kid went to Devins. It was just me, Emily, and Joey. O my goodness, I just have to say I love my ward, they are soo funny. Emily insisted on driving Joey's Golf Cart. She is probably the worst driver in the world. She kept one foot on the brake and one on the gas at all times. Not a very smooth ride. Then Joey took us over jumps on the greenbelt, but his lil bro needed it so we just jumped on his trampoline instead.

It was getting late so we all went over to Devin Hanson's house and watched Hot Rod. BEST MOVIE. It reminded me sooo much of the ward boys. The main character could have easily been Alex Inman. Emily and I were cracking up the whole time. It was me, emily, joey, nick, devin, and justin there and I'm pretty sure we were laughing the loudest. If you haven't seen it, its a mixture of Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre. haha :) I wish they would invite me to more stuff. They probably think that I think its stupid. Obviously they don't know me as well as they think they do because thats pretty much all I do-Stupid, Abnormal, Random crap. Well, maybe not to foam weapons again....that was just weird.

Victim of myself

I just thought I would tell you about the weirdest impulse I have ever had:

So, Thursday night Justin Smith messages me as usual on Facebook and starts explaining to me a game that the ward guys play in the wash behind safeway. Ok, so picture this- They run around in a marshland hitting/throwing weapons they make out of pvc pipe duct tape and foam. How ridiculous is that! Justin said something about me being a black hawk so I couldn't beat them and me being my father's daughter had to accept such a blatant attack on my ability to totally dominate. So then he says ok fine come over to the wash at 5 and bring some friends. The more people the better. And yes......my curiosity got the best of me and I accepted.

The next day at school I asked my friend Kami what she was doing that night and when she asked why I knew I would really have to sell this idea. I mean COME ON!! This is so bizarre!! I couldn't even think of anything to say that was remotely normal about this activity. Naturally she said no but my friend Bryndee over heard me and was like I would LOVE to do that! It sounds like soo much fun!! I admire her bravery.

So 5 pm rolls around and I arrive at the "Battle Ground." And then I see the weapons..............Holy freakin crap! They weren't kidding about the weapons! There were axes and spears and swords and shields. Me and Bryndee decided early on that we had to stay together. These guys were experienced warriors and they did not think that this was a game. Then we asked if there were any rules. No, you just hit people and if you lose a leg you limp. If you lose both you crawl and if you lose both your arms as well then you are a potato sitting in the rocks and dirt. Great.......that sounds peachy. They told us that today was special because they were going to play capture the flag and I was on a team of people I didn't even know besides Devin. They were trying to find a place and then I suggested that I just put it under my shirt. Even if they did find out it was there none of them would get it. So, pretty much I'm a genius. At first we just picked up some swords and attacked each other and bryndee hit me in the face and then I itched my nose cuz that duct tape is certainly not smooth and surprise surprise my nose is bleeding. I didn't care, all I was thinking was this is going to make a great story- bryndee the tumbler cheerleader who bedazzles everything gave katie the sarcastic softball player a bloody nose. Bryndee was fa-reaking out haha. It was pretty funny I just walked over to this flooded area and washed off my hands and stuff so that I wasn't disgusting.

The Fighting continues and then my friend Alex starts yelling "EPIC BATTLE" lets go. Goodness Gracious what is going on! They lead us to this dinky little log over a bunch of thorny bushes that Nick and Alex fight on. STUPID. We waited till all the guys moved on until we tried it ourselves. Of course Alex and Nick come back and throw a weapon at me and I fall into all the sticks and my foot gets stuck and bryndee has to pull me out. I have the nastiest cuts down my leg right now they are 3d and all bloody and they hurt like nobody's business when you put alcohol in it.

Well, the fun doesn't stop there because me, bryndee, alex, and nick all walk back to Alex's house so that we can help him babysit. And I got kicked out of his house. Haha. I really didn't care because then I wouldn't have to smell like spit-up and change nasty diapers. I knew I would end up being the only one keeping those kids alive. It was actually a blessing.

So here I would now like to tell you all about my extensive injuries that I have brought on myself:
Bruises:
- size of softballs, same spot on each of my legs, purple/black/blue
- Band-aid looking one on my right elbow that I hit EVERY time I pitch....its growing so joey will owe me 100 dollars soon
- size of a basketball on my whole right thigh. NASTY.
- one covers half of my left forearm
- Bruise/welt next to my belly button and I have no idea how I got that one

Other:
- bloody elevated scratches down my entire right calf
- I rolled my left ankle and its swollen
- I practically sprained my right wrist and I have to tape it before every practice
- My ego has been severely damaged as well from all these injuries